The Ongoing Reality Show Fiction
May 2, 2007
Problems With Art Students
So I get contacted by Aliens that can travel through time. I know, ha ha, I'm ripping of Vonnegut. Shut up, he didn't invent aliens. Anyone can use them. The aliens want to know about destinations. They say that they can see everyone on my planet and all we do is walk forward, all at the same speed. We're terrifying, we keep on moving forward through time, en masse. Their philosophers have been theorising. Some of them thought that we were pilgrims. They noticed the way we reproduce so that there's always someone going forward in time. They theorised that we were all travelling somewhere, that we were passing something to our offspring which has to arrive at some destination. They asked me where. They did it through my computer. They said Hi through my computer and they asked where I was going, they were very polite. They did it on MSN, they said WHERE ARE YOU GOING. They pretended they were a 19 year old female art student, they'd noticed my demographic's predeliction for that demographic. They added me on MSN and said
WHERE ARE YOU GOING.
I said I was going to go for a skate, I figured skateboarding would make me seem cool, reckless, youthful. I tried to enlarge their display picture to try and work out if they were hot but I couldn't. They said,
YOU ARE SKATING .79 SOLAR CYCLES AWAY FROM HERE. BUT YOU CONTINUE TO MOVE FORWARD. IF YOU WISH TO SKATE YOU SHOULD RETURN TO .79 SOLAR CYCLES AGO. YOU CONTINUE TO MOVE AWAY FROM THIS POINT.
I was like, woah, this chick worked out that percentage wicked fast. Maybe she's one of those smart art students. I bet she digs programming. So I say. "Nice maths =)" and they say.
WHERE IS YOUR RACE GOING.
They don't use much punctuation because they can't be bothered to get the ASCII codes for it. I'm thinking, she's getting like, philosophical on me, sort of politcal. My subconcious starts giving me advice, don't be a downer dude. No chick has ever been attracted to a dude who depressed her. My subconcious thinks it's a surfer or something. Always saying Dude.
-(R^-1) says:
I dunno,
some days I think it's getting worse,
but most of the time I think it's definitely getting better.
ARTSTUDENT says:
ARE YOU NOT AWARE OF YOUR DESTINATION.
My subconcious says Dude, try and sound deep about how you feel your life doesn't have any sort of direction, but put an emotional disclaimer on there dude, like say that you're sure everyone feels that way, don't sound like you're stuck up or cliche. I say
"No way, I mean, life is random, how could anyone know what's going to happen?"
Try to create a connection with her by sharing a dislike of something dude.
-(R^-1) says:
I mean,
don't you hate those people who are sure what they want to do with their lives?
Like they want to work for this company and live in this place and do these things?
She's an art student, she must hate those people. Everybody hates those people.
ARTSTUDENT says:
IF YOU ARE UNAWARE OF YOUR DESTINATION WHY DO YOU PERSIST.
There was a point in my life when I asked a lot of people why they persist, I was trying to get some good ideas that I could use myself. It was very juvenile, it was very teenage and I don't want to tell her about it. It'll make me sound like an ass. Like a 14 year old with eye liner and a poetry journal. My subconcious agrees. Dude, you've got to bail from this conversation with this art girl. Who can deal with women man? Who can deal with art students?
The aliens say,
WE CANNOT FIND YOUR DESTINATION, IT EXISTS BEYOND THE CURRENT UNIVERSE. HOW DO YOU NAVIGATE TOWARDS IT.
They want to know how we're so sure of the direction through time we're taking, how we know where we're going to be in the future it doesn't exist yet. They think we have a choice. The universe expands physically but it also expands through time and we are permanently on it's raw frontier as it does. We are all on a train and the track is being laid in front of us as it moves forwards. The aliens don't get it. The aliens know we have memories and they understand them as biological analogues to maps. They don't understand why we have these maps of what is happening at what point in time if we cannot navigate through it. They don't understand that we can only squint at these moments of the past through a blurred lens of neurons, watching them grow smaller and more indistinct as we move away from them. Some of the aliens have theorised that these maps are what cause us to move forward relentlessly, maybe we are cartographers of time, constantly exploring it's frontiers.
WHY DO YOU TRAVEL TOWARDS THIS POSITION. WHAT IS YOUR AIM.
I'm not paying attention to the art chick anymore, she's talking like a cross between SmarterChild and Doctor Who. My subconcious is just saying Dude, this chick is crazy wack, you gotta get out whilst you can. Let's eat some cake dude, let's try and eat a load of cake. I don't like my subconcious, I don't like art chicks, I don't like my haircut and I'm not travelling anywhere. I'm in my room. I don't have any aims. I was going to go skating.
-(R^-1) says:
I gotta go
The aliens want to know where, but I sign off and walk outside. As I close the door the aliens watch me from above, but they're afraid to talk to me in person, they try to avoid travelling into the unknown of the future as much as possible. So they leave me to kick myself up to speed, and roll away down the road. ¶ 2:09 AM 0 Comments
WHERE ARE YOU GOING.
I said I was going to go for a skate, I figured skateboarding would make me seem cool, reckless, youthful. I tried to enlarge their display picture to try and work out if they were hot but I couldn't. They said,
YOU ARE SKATING .79 SOLAR CYCLES AWAY FROM HERE. BUT YOU CONTINUE TO MOVE FORWARD. IF YOU WISH TO SKATE YOU SHOULD RETURN TO .79 SOLAR CYCLES AGO. YOU CONTINUE TO MOVE AWAY FROM THIS POINT.
I was like, woah, this chick worked out that percentage wicked fast. Maybe she's one of those smart art students. I bet she digs programming. So I say. "Nice maths =)" and they say.
WHERE IS YOUR RACE GOING.
They don't use much punctuation because they can't be bothered to get the ASCII codes for it. I'm thinking, she's getting like, philosophical on me, sort of politcal. My subconcious starts giving me advice, don't be a downer dude. No chick has ever been attracted to a dude who depressed her. My subconcious thinks it's a surfer or something. Always saying Dude.
-(R^-1) says:
I dunno,
some days I think it's getting worse,
but most of the time I think it's definitely getting better.
ARTSTUDENT says:
ARE YOU NOT AWARE OF YOUR DESTINATION.
My subconcious says Dude, try and sound deep about how you feel your life doesn't have any sort of direction, but put an emotional disclaimer on there dude, like say that you're sure everyone feels that way, don't sound like you're stuck up or cliche. I say
"No way, I mean, life is random, how could anyone know what's going to happen?"
Try to create a connection with her by sharing a dislike of something dude.
-(R^-1) says:
I mean,
don't you hate those people who are sure what they want to do with their lives?
Like they want to work for this company and live in this place and do these things?
She's an art student, she must hate those people. Everybody hates those people.
ARTSTUDENT says:
IF YOU ARE UNAWARE OF YOUR DESTINATION WHY DO YOU PERSIST.
There was a point in my life when I asked a lot of people why they persist, I was trying to get some good ideas that I could use myself. It was very juvenile, it was very teenage and I don't want to tell her about it. It'll make me sound like an ass. Like a 14 year old with eye liner and a poetry journal. My subconcious agrees. Dude, you've got to bail from this conversation with this art girl. Who can deal with women man? Who can deal with art students?
The aliens say,
WE CANNOT FIND YOUR DESTINATION, IT EXISTS BEYOND THE CURRENT UNIVERSE. HOW DO YOU NAVIGATE TOWARDS IT.
They want to know how we're so sure of the direction through time we're taking, how we know where we're going to be in the future it doesn't exist yet. They think we have a choice. The universe expands physically but it also expands through time and we are permanently on it's raw frontier as it does. We are all on a train and the track is being laid in front of us as it moves forwards. The aliens don't get it. The aliens know we have memories and they understand them as biological analogues to maps. They don't understand why we have these maps of what is happening at what point in time if we cannot navigate through it. They don't understand that we can only squint at these moments of the past through a blurred lens of neurons, watching them grow smaller and more indistinct as we move away from them. Some of the aliens have theorised that these maps are what cause us to move forward relentlessly, maybe we are cartographers of time, constantly exploring it's frontiers.
WHY DO YOU TRAVEL TOWARDS THIS POSITION. WHAT IS YOUR AIM.
I'm not paying attention to the art chick anymore, she's talking like a cross between SmarterChild and Doctor Who. My subconcious is just saying Dude, this chick is crazy wack, you gotta get out whilst you can. Let's eat some cake dude, let's try and eat a load of cake. I don't like my subconcious, I don't like art chicks, I don't like my haircut and I'm not travelling anywhere. I'm in my room. I don't have any aims. I was going to go skating.
-(R^-1) says:
I gotta go
The aliens want to know where, but I sign off and walk outside. As I close the door the aliens watch me from above, but they're afraid to talk to me in person, they try to avoid travelling into the unknown of the future as much as possible. So they leave me to kick myself up to speed, and roll away down the road. ¶ 2:09 AM 0 Comments